Valentine’s day has come and gone. With a sigh of relief we can suck down those last chocolate hearts and bid farewell to pink Teddy Bear balloons for another year.
Seriously though – does Valentine’s day make you cringe? All commercialized Hallmark Holiday discussion aside, holidays that are focused on lovers and love can bring up some serious shit for a lot of us.
It’s probably the worst for the un-partnered among us. Talk about twisting the knife! Even if you don’t buy into the Valentine’s hoopla, you can’t help but notice that what’s missing.
Where’s the love?
And if you ARE partnered up, all this talk of roses, romance and deep love can make you feel like you’ve somehow chosen badly or are doing something wrong.
Where oh where is that fabled breathless, deep, sure and committed love?
Where are the sexy haiku texts?
Surely picking up another pair of dirty socks, or opening the refrigerator to see that your partner finished off your favorite treat AGAIN isn’t the love the storybooks are talking about.
Why isn’t anyone chasing you through an airport, begging you not to go?
It might make you ask yourself if you’re with the right partner.
Sometimes this can be a important question to explore… but most people jump to this before they’ve dug into something far more crucial:
Do you believe you’re lovable?
Can you give yourself the same kind of love the love you give others?
How deep is your love??
Your love for you, yourself and you??
(And, sorry for planting all these tunes in your head! Have fun listening to them for the rest of the day.)
Here is a (somewhat frustrating) truth:
You are NEVER going to find the love you seek – whether it’s more love (or different ways of showing it) from your partner or bringing in that perfect and divinely destined partner—until you fall in love with yourself!
Now, sure, you can manifest relationship after relationship without giving your own self-nurturing a second thought… but what you get back will be a mirror for what you give yourself.
Ever noticed how certain patterns seem to repeat themselves in partner after partner?
That ain’t gonna stop happening until you examine what it is you believe about yourself that causes you to constantly be attracted to and attract essentially the same person, or at least the same wound that needs to be healed.
A Brag-Worthy Life
My colleague Lisa Hayes has just published a book, Score Your Soulmate, that lays this out, with so much more.
Lisa is the “Love Whisperer”coach. She is uber cool and I want to be her when I grow up. Except she’s several years younger than me… but no matter. Time is an illusion anyway.
This last year has been a bit of dry one for me on the romance front. And that’s been okay (well, usually) because that open space has given me the opportunity to be my own best lover, to fall in love with myself.
And this is exactly what Lisa talks about in Score Your Soulmate.
I haven’t finished the book yet, but her premise is so resonant with me and is really helping to deepen by own practice of self appreciation.
Lisa talks about the necessity of cultivating a ‘brag-worthy’ life – all on our own.
This is a first step to really giving yourself the high five and beginning to believe that you’re pretty damn cool.
When you start focusing on YOU, and what makes you happy, beautiful, fulfilled, and laughing, and when you make it a point to bring these things into your life, it starts to not matter so much whether you have the perfect partner.
And ironically, that’s when more partnership perfection can show up.
Read this book for some deep diving and solid techniques on just what you can do to really step into your own brag-worthy life—single or partnered.
And, of course, how to have boat loads of fun while you’re doing it!
Meanwhile, turn up your love light for YOU. It’s time to fall in love with yourself!
Tune Into The Bigger You
Not so long ago, the idea of being in love with myself seemed laughable and unattainable. How could I possibly love this imperfect, flaw-ridden being?
The single realization that turned this around for me was that I am SO much more than this small self that I perceive. I’m going to get a little woo-woo and spiritual on you here, but bear with me.
Think about the times when you’ve surprised yourself—maybe with something you’ve accomplished, maybe catching a glimpse of yourself when you actually look pretty damn good. Maybe it was a creation, a performance, or an interaction where you witnessed yourself literally bringing through a wisdom or creativity that you had no idea you possessed.
Come on now! There’s something! Take a moment to reach in and find it.
This is the bigger You. We are each a conduit of the Divine. We are so much more than we can see with our earthly eyes.
For me, grokking this has made all the difference.
And not just in my ability to access kindness toward myself. It has deepened my capacity to feel love for others. When I allow myself to expand into awareness of my true Divine nature, my heart opens and expands in turn.
And then there’s forgiveness.
I’m talking about self-forgiveness, a key component of loving yourself.
Because, despite our best efforts, there will be lots of times we contract instead of expand. When we call ourselves idiots, or snarl at those we love most. Hey, it’s just part of being human.
It passes, like everything does.
And then you have the opportunity to allow back in the love.
This gives you the opportunity to treat yourself as you long to be treated by a lover.
Seize that opportunity. Trust in your deservingness.
And before you know it, you’ll find yourself living that brag-worthy life!